-Adventures Beyond Space-
Story 1: Blood, Lasagna and Darkmatter


My latest space adventure began in a time before time...AKA before 10:30 AM. I was passed out in the front seat of my Winnebago-class starship, hat pulled over my eyes. I got a call on the vidscreen. I answered. It was my friend Thayne asking if I was heading over to the party on Volgaas IV in the Eastern Adromeda galaxy.

I nodded, half-awake.

"Remember to bring food," he reminded me. I groaned as the vidscreen deactivated. I stretched and got up, attaching my lasersword to my utility belt. I activated the crystal-flame engine and plotted a course for the Adromeda galaxy. I was just past the four moons of Vega when I realized I had to buy food. I was also low on Liquid Darkmatter. Without it, the hyperdrive wouldn't work and the trip would take too long.

I decided to make a stop at a nearby Refuel Station in the Ford system. I parked just as some rich Cthulhian jerk pulled up in his fancy Impala-class starspeeder. He walked out, the writhing face tentacles decorated with gold jewelry, wearing a fine suit tailored by the weavers of planet Lauren, (where fashion is law.) He shoved past me and had his driver refuel while he browsed for snacks.

As much as this squid-faced fop annoyed me, I decided to ignore this act of arrogance and continue to search for food. Tamaranean potato chips? Nah. Too plain. Chiropteran cupcakes? Ew. Absolutely not.

Suddenly, I heard screams. People were rushing to their speeders or hiding behind the shelves. I ran outside to see what was the matter. I couldn't believe what I saw. Over my head, 200 feet tall, was the Legendary Three-headed Lasagna Dragon. From it's three mouths it blasted acidic pasta sauce, disintegrating everything it came into contact with. I realized I had to do something to stop this creature.

I had taken down Robot Hitler and his army of Robot Zombie Nazis, so I saw no reason why I couldn't take down this three-cheese behemoth. Suddenly, when the others had vanished or hid, it was just me and the dragon. It's six eyes trained on me, as red as the boiling marinara it spat. It couldn't speak, but I knew it was challenging me. I ignited my laser sword and activated the side rockets on my interstellar backpack. I flew toward the beast at top speed. The dragon shot bursts of acid sauce at me, but I managed to dodge every shot.

The beast swept it's tail at me. I swung my plasma-powered blade and sliced part of it off. The dragon howled in pain. I had managed to wound the Three-headed Lasagna Dragon. And now it was angry.

The dragon charged at me. Before, it seemed to be amused by me, a much smaller creature attempting to best it. But now the beast was out for blood. No turning back now. The dragon spewed forth an explosion of sauce, hotter than the lava pits in the volcano moon of Helios.
I quickly took a mini-canister of Nitris from my belt and inserted it into my jetpack, gaining a burst of speed, enough to get me to safety. That attack left the Lasagna Dragon tired and weak.

I took the opportunity. I flew towards the beast's three writhing necks and sliced with my lasersword. The Legendary Three-headed Lasagna Dragon was dead. I deactivated my weapon and clipped it back onto my belt.

I checked the time on my wrist holo. I was low on time to make it to the party and I still had no food and low on liquid darkmatter. Suddenly, I got an idea. I went over to the corpse of the dragon and took a piece of it's cheesy flesh. Yes, it was a terrifying space monster, but it was still made of lasagna. I ate the strip I took. It was delicious. I had found my solution.

I ran back to my Winnebago. I grabbed a few tubs of cryo-tupperware, set them down, and reactivated my lasersword. Before long, I had several full tubs of lasagna, including a couple for myself since, well, it was delicious. The cashier of the Refuel Station asked how he could repay me.

"I'm low on liquid darkmatter and I need to be in the Adromeda galaxy ASAP," I told him. He nodded and filled both the regular and darkmatter tanks and gave me a free box of Cerulean jelly doughnuts. I shot a salute and got into my ship after loading the food. I activated the Winnebago's hyperdrive and shot at warp speed to the Adromeda galaxy. I made it just in time for the party

just in time. Volgaas IV never had a greater party, or greater lasagna for that matter. The party was a success and I had another adventure on my record.

It was a great day to be a Space Adventurer.

The end...for now.