The Washer

Oh no! Never again! Now I see why my friends had always hid! Not because of the stink but because of the… the WASHER! I can hardly bare to think of it. Oh, and just to clear things up, my friends and I are all socks. We actually like the stink, but I was pretty new so I hadn’t even been in the…you-know-what yet. I had heard of it, but that was about it. Then came laundry day. It’s like the days where one of us discovers a hole in our toe and realizes they are getting thrown in the trash to never be used again, but it’s just a bit better. Not by that much though. You would think it would be like a rollercoaster, but that would be absolutely, positively WRONG! I got in and it was so stinkin’ dark, and not the good kind of stink. I felt like the walls were going to cave in. After being thrown into the dark, the water came. It kept coming and coming and seemed as if it would never end. When I was finally floating happily in the dark- well not happily, but you get the point- it started to spin. I’m not sure what made it spin, but it was torturous! Faster, faster it got until I was slammed against the wall of the washer. It got so soapy and bubbly, I felt as if I were a bubble. Later, after I felt like I was going to spit a bubbly lint ball out from the abyss of my guts, the spinning stop, physically at least. My head was still spinning like a top, about to pop off my head. The water started to drain. The worst part of the whole experience was… I WAS CLEAN!! CLEAN!! What sock is ever clean?? It’s just not normal! That was the worst day of my entire life. Ugh. And don’t even get me started on the dryer!
Ok, ok. Fine, you drag it out of me. I’ll tell you about the dryer. The dryer was much worse than the washer. First of all, I was soaking wet! I was vigorously transferred from the washer to the dryer with a bunch of other wackos I hardly even knew. And we were all wet! Can you even begin to imagine what I felt like being squished in between wet people I hardly even knew? It was like being choked in the dark where it was so humid, it felt like there was fungus just growing everywhere. Once I was in the washer with all these wet people, I heard this locking noise I had heard on the washer. I felt like we were spinning again, but then I thought it was probably just an after effect from the washer. Wrong! Again I was wrong! How is this possible? This time we were spinning, but we went upside down!! The motion sickness alone was enough to scar me for life, but adding in these random people next to me moaning and groaning and running into me every two seconds! Man, that’s just cruel! Right when I didn’t think it could get any worse, the heat started to kick in. It was like a moist spinning tropical island, with ten times the heat. No, not ten times, more like 50 times. It was an inferno! I was just about to pass out, or die, either one, when it… STOPPED! Yes, finally, I thought. Never. Doing. That. Again. I’ve learned my lesson. Always, always, hid on laundry day.