Ilya's Tale, Part 2: The Raven | Teen Ink

Ilya's Tale, Part 2: The Raven

September 28, 2010
By apocalyptigirl BRONZE, Staunton, Virginia
apocalyptigirl BRONZE, Staunton, Virginia
4 articles 2 photos 285 comments

Favorite Quote:
"DON'T PANIC." ~from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams


The pain woke him, sending its cruel vibrations up his leg. His heart sent back its miseries in reply. Slowly, his eyelids creaked open, squinting and then shutting again as the sun seared his pupils.

Ilya felt for his fingers. His body seemed disjointed, disconnected—only the pain tied its separate parts together. It was as if he was a spirit trying to return to a body he no longer owned. He wondered if he was dead—and the jolt of fear brought him fully awake.

He opened his eyes in spite of the sun, turning his head to the side. His arm lay stretched out beside him, fingers still wrapped around the branch that had helped him through last night’s forest. Ilya thought of the tree it had come from and the storm that must have knocked it from its bough and the years it might have waited for him to stagger across its path, and whispered, “Thank you.”

All that came out was a hiss of dry breath—and the realization that he was horribly thirsty. He’d had nothing to eat or drink since…He did not want to remember that last supper. Seated around the fire, they had complained about the fare as they usually did, remembering the comforts of home cooking. They had known that, in theory, it could have been their last meal—but none of them had really expected to die that day. Ilya remembered their faces—all his friends, one of them closer than his blood brother…

A sob wrenched itself from his chest. Alone in a strange wood, afraid, hurt, and exhausted, Ilya did not even try to stop his tears. His eyes burned as the hot drops traced down his face, spilling onto his lips…

Water. Ilya licked at his tears, not caring that they tasted of salt. Even that little bit of moisture was welcome, giving him fresh energy and hope. He could not mourn Kiran and the others now, he told himself. If he survived, he would have all the time he needed to grieve. If he died, then they could commiserate in the afterlife. A tiny smile lifted his cracked lips.

Wincing, he sat up. He could feel new bruises—his memories of the previous night were hazy, but he knew he had fallen more than once. Grimly, Ilya assessed his situation: broken leg; no food or water; unfamiliar country; one dagger; one staff; and his wits, such as they were. Ilya looked at the sun, fixing North in his mind, and cautiously got to his feet. He tried to set weight on the splinted leg—it held, but he did not relish the thought of the walk ahead.

He would head downhill; there might be a stream nearby that he could follow…His dry mouth sighed for water. Just yesterday—was it only yesterday?—he had carelessly flicked water at Kiran for his joke about the girl at Ceras. If he had known then what it was like to thirst, really thirst, he would never have wasted his precious water on Kiran…

Pain suddenly crippled him. He had everything and nothing to say to his dead friend; Thank you simply didn’t mean enough.

A raven cawed; Ilya’s head jerked up. The saucy bird was sitting in the tree above him, staring down with head cocked in a calculating manner: How long do I have to wait for this one? Ilya snarled a hoarse curse and gave the bird the courtesy of the most obscene gesture he knew. It cawed again and hopped to a lower branch, unimpressed. Ilya glowered at it and turned away, setting his staff down firmly in the loam as he started forward.

Yard by yard, he stumbled through the forest, following the gentle downward slope of the land. The raven stalked him from tree to tree, giving the occasional caw. Ilya was too focused on walking to pay it much notice, but when it swooped across his path, landing to hop up and down in front of him, he stopped and glared at it. “Go away, crow,” he rasped, his breath short and uneven. “I’m not dead…yet.”

“Ki-yah!” the bird insisted, cocking its feathered black head. “Ka-yah!”

Ilya shook his head, blinking sweat out of his eyes, and resumed walking. The raven cawed angrily. Ilya growled and swung his staff at it—then staggered as his leg betrayed him. The world spun dizzily before his eyes; he was falling—and then his flailing arm struck a tree and he leaned into it, panting. The raven looked at him as if to say, Serves you right.

“I’m sorry…” Ilya whispered through dry lips.

“Caw,” said the raven seriously, waddling up to him. On the ground, the carrion-bird’s ungainly gait rather destroyed the sinister image for which it was renowned. It bobbed its head, then cocked it to the right. It repeated the motion, giving and impatient Caw! when Ilya failed to respond.

Ilya just stared, blinking stupidly. What was it doing? The pain was dulling his mind; his thoughts were slow and cumbersome. Should he follow the bird? But he was looking for water…What was that noise? Was there a stream around here?

What was the point?

With a feeling of mild surprise, Ilya realized he was on the ground. He didn’t know how he’d gotten there, but his leg hurt worse than ever. The pain was deep in the bone, throbbing with the beats of his heart. An iron ball chained to his leg could not have crippled him more thoroughly.

For the sake of the dead, he gave a last, feeble attempt to stand. Secretly, he didn’t want to succeed. He just wanted to lie here and fall asleep, and who cared if he never woke up? The raven would be happy…

The black bird gave an angry caw and jabbed at his leg. Ilya gasped as its beak pierced torn flesh and new blood leaked from the wound. The raven jumped back and glared at him with a beady black eye. Or rather, it seemed to glare; no bird knew how to look like that…Ilya began to wonder if he was imagining things, hallucinating. Perhaps it was all a nightmare…He closed his eyes, hoping to wake up.

His last lucid thought was an apology to Kiran.


The author's comments:
Glad to see so many positive responses to Ilya's story! Here's what happens next...If the formatting doesn't work out, I'll be annoyed...

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This article has 44 comments.


on Oct. 6 2010 at 6:03 pm
HeatherBee BRONZE, I Live In, Texas
1 article 0 photos 1979 comments

Favorite Quote:
Go on and try to tear me down. I will be rising from the ground, like a skyscraper

Love is louder than the pressure to be perfect

yesssssssssssss :) nd i liked it!

on Oct. 6 2010 at 5:58 pm
apocalyptigirl BRONZE, Staunton, Virginia
4 articles 2 photos 285 comments

Favorite Quote:
"DON'T PANIC." ~from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

Thank you!!! (i assume you read thr 1st one?)

Birder SILVER said...
on Oct. 6 2010 at 5:01 pm
Birder SILVER, Waterboro, Maine
6 articles 22 photos 104 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, unless they do unto you first, then open a can of unto on to them."

"Obey the ninja."

"What's that? And why does it say snickle tickle?"

Oh, and by the way, good* job, and the 3rd Coral will be coming out soon enough, just have to finish it. Anyone else out there wanna check it out please do.         o.O          ;D

Birder SILVER said...
on Oct. 6 2010 at 4:59 pm
Birder SILVER, Waterboro, Maine
6 articles 22 photos 104 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, unless they do unto you first, then open a can of unto on to them."

"Obey the ninja."

"What's that? And why does it say snickle tickle?"

Wow, this is jst as good if not better than the first! Super good, i love it! And, is that a little more of his history yet still more mystery i sense? This is awesome, I can't wait until Part 3, but please remind me because I might not remember. Keep up the SPECTACULAR work, Goo job!

MadiBee BRONZE said...
on Oct. 6 2010 at 4:15 pm
MadiBee BRONZE, Lancaster, New Hampshire
4 articles 0 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
If at first you don't succeed, you are running about average.
- M.H. Anderson

I really like it~! you  have a ton of promise as a fanatsy writer. not many people do. I like the mystery and underlying current of danger and fear.

P.S. dont let any one tell you it has too much detail . . . .  Its Perfect!!!!!


on Oct. 6 2010 at 3:31 pm
ForeverFelix PLATINUM, Catasauqua, Pennsylvania
30 articles 2 photos 207 comments

Favorite Quote:
Daydreams can be worse than nightmares, but that never stops me.

Well, well, well. A ton of detail may not be needed...but very well written, apocalypt =)

on Oct. 6 2010 at 8:20 am
HeatherBee BRONZE, I Live In, Texas
1 article 0 photos 1979 comments

Favorite Quote:
Go on and try to tear me down. I will be rising from the ground, like a skyscraper

Love is louder than the pressure to be perfect

-gasp- ^^ awesome story so far!!! u have fantastic word choice

on Oct. 5 2010 at 9:52 pm
apocalyptigirl BRONZE, Staunton, Virginia
4 articles 2 photos 285 comments

Favorite Quote:
"DON'T PANIC." ~from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

Well of course not!!! lol but i am allowed to have a sense of humor...*sigh* if only i hadn't started this tradition of weird names...

on Oct. 5 2010 at 8:16 pm
I mean, it's your story do what you want but I wouldn't let allusions or tributes to certain things ruin the overall gist of the tone, feel, and style of the piece. But it sounds like that could work!

on Oct. 5 2010 at 8:03 pm
apocalyptigirl BRONZE, Staunton, Virginia
4 articles 2 photos 285 comments

Favorite Quote:
"DON'T PANIC." ~from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

YES now I will have to write chickens into the story somewhere...or Flannery O'Conner's name...how about a farmer named O'Connor who farms chickens????? teehee.

on Oct. 5 2010 at 7:53 pm
lmao that would only be too epic xD

on Oct. 5 2010 at 7:45 pm
apocalyptigirl BRONZE, Staunton, Virginia
4 articles 2 photos 285 comments

Favorite Quote:
"DON'T PANIC." ~from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

yeah i know....but keep in mind this should be read all at once, not waiting like a week to read the next installment and then being like "oh, it's just continuing the first one in more detail..." I put this part in to fill in some backstory and introduce the raven, and also to make it more realistic---if I'd just said "hooray he's rescued now by these people!!!" then it would seem a bit abrupt.

 

Oh man, Flannery. Maybe it should have been a chicken instead of a raven...bahaha.


on Oct. 5 2010 at 7:04 pm
That said, one thing I do like about Flannery O'Conner is that her stories are more concise. I think you're a good storyteller but sometimes you spend too much time on details that are unimportant... moreso in this passage than the first one. There were goods and bads as always but like... you need to move on from the fact that Ilya's in pain and with a broken leg. That's what the first chapter was about. In this chapter, it's time to find out what happens next. If that is he trecks through the woods in pain and sees a raven, it could be condensed into a paragraph or something. Make sure you don't let the reader lose interest!

on Oct. 5 2010 at 6:59 pm

Flannery had better writing? Well I'm pretty sure it took her a long time to get that good at writing considering her favorite high school hobby was collecting rejection slips.

Also, Flannery wrote "Southern Gothiscm" and this is fantasy. Completely different genres. Completely different styles.


on Oct. 5 2010 at 6:56 pm
apocalyptigirl BRONZE, Staunton, Virginia
4 articles 2 photos 285 comments

Favorite Quote:
"DON'T PANIC." ~from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

yum, cherries! :)

on Oct. 5 2010 at 5:32 pm
apocalyptigirl BRONZE, Staunton, Virginia
4 articles 2 photos 285 comments

Favorite Quote:
"DON'T PANIC." ~from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

If you're referring to Flannery O'Conner, I am sure she did. However, she also had like 50 pet chickens which she knitted sweaters for and trained to walk backwards and stuff (I am convinced she was training a chicken army to take over the world). ANYway, Kiran and Ilya are both GUYS. Not girls. AHHHH names and gen.ders!!! But I said that his friend was like a brother. If it was a girl she would have been like his sister....oh well i figure people assume i write about girls since i am one. :P

on Oct. 5 2010 at 5:31 pm
PussnBoots GOLD, Tomahawk, Wisconsin
12 articles 0 photos 137 comments

Favorite Quote:
"When life hands you lemons, make apple juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it." -Unknown
"The world is my pineapple. I just have to figure out a way past the prickly parts." -Me

Sigh. I know patience is a virtue, but it's not a strong one of mine when I want to know something. :)Oh, and I like your unique names. It gives the story it's own flair.

:] Keep writing! (You can still have that cherry, I guess... lol xD)


ViolinTrioK said...
on Oct. 5 2010 at 3:45 pm

I read both your chapters and they were very good. i have to say the character Kiran being dead is a disappointment.  Love her name though. Where did you come up with such an incredibly pretty name?

 

p.s. Flannery had better writing


on Oct. 5 2010 at 1:52 pm
apocalyptigirl BRONZE, Staunton, Virginia
4 articles 2 photos 285 comments

Favorite Quote:
"DON'T PANIC." ~from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

oh and the bird does seem to be helping him...*tries to resist revealing plot* ;)

on Oct. 5 2010 at 1:51 pm
apocalyptigirl BRONZE, Staunton, Virginia
4 articles 2 photos 285 comments

Favorite Quote:
"DON'T PANIC." ~from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

well well well be patient!!!! Sorry lol I'm only on part 2...there should be some mystery at this point...i know, i know, i start off giving you practically nothing and it's kind of a pain of me...but at least you got to know a little more about what happened to him! :D Anyway the next bit clears things up significantly. I could have just posted that as part of this story but I thought I had a nice, neat little cliffhanger type thing going already :P The next section is called "Ilya's Tale, Part 3: Draska."