Life without a father is difficult and in many ways depressing.  Sadly at the mere age of five, my parents got a divorce.  During this time I was too young to understand the logistics of the divorce but I was old enough to realize that I missed my daddy dearly.  Only through time did I come to realize that the more I longed for him, the more disappointed I became, because although I missed him, he never missed me.

My father always had a big mouth.  On the rare occasions that I got to see him he would talk about all of the “great” things he had been doing and he would continue to tell my sister and I the amazing things he would do for us, and most importantly with us.  I continued to believe the lies he sold me, pretending he was the “superhero” I’ve always wanted him to be.  It was in those lost moments, when I felt glad yet I was unaware.  This led to a winding, narrow path of disappointment, later leading to frustration and anger.  My body became accustomed to the soft feeling of tears trickling down my face and my mind became familiar with the emotional rollercoaster, as if these were normal circumstances. 

I used to believe everything my father told me, because the harsh reality was too much for my mind to comprehend.  How could my father not love me?  Consumed by lies, I continued in this lifestyle for 13 years.  If I would have known at an early age that he would never make my soccer games, never make my choir concerts, never make my birthday parties, then I could have saved myself from a substantial amount of pain and Confusion.

Through my endeavors I have come to realize several things.  Because of my past experiences, family has become extremely important to me.  Many years from now when I have a family I will make sure that my children never feel abandoned, lonely, and depressed as I did. I will become the best father I can be.  Also through my experiences, not by choice, I have become a realist.  Unfortunately I no longer see the “bright side of things”.  I look and assess my problems with cold hard facts to find a liable outcome.  Although some people say this is a bad thing, I look at it as way to never feel abandoned again.  This realism helps me all the time, whether I’m working on school work and it keeps me on track or if another conflict with my father arises I confront the truth.  Though I do not love my father because of the negative impact he has had on my life and the poor choices he makes, I have come to respect him because without him I would not be the compassionate and dedicated man I am today.