Suggestion 1

If by chance you speak another language from another country that isn’t English, pass it on to your children.  Explain to them the significance of learning another language, especially one that relates to their family and culture. Some parents who come from a country that does not predominantly speak English, do not want to teach their children their language, nevertheless, connect them to their culture. Many also do not bring them back to their country, creating an even larger gap between the child and their culture, but also the child and their family. If your child is stubborn like I was as a kid, be patient and give them time. But when your child is ready, be ready to teach them. Do not withhold that knowledge from them, because at least now, they have come to the point where they want to learn, instead of wanting nothing to do with it. Language barriers create an immense block between people and their families, and their daily lives at times. Do not let that barrier exist, knowing that you could help break it down. 

The vast majority of my extended family from my father's side still lives in Kenya, and while some know English, not all of them do, like my grandmother. I can not speak Swahili, nor can I understand it, which creates a block between me and the rest of my family. When I went to Kenya to visit family, I was unable to verbally communicate with them and I have not spoken with them in years. When I was younger, my father tried to teach me and my siblings Swahili, but we were stubborn and didn’t understand why learning this was important. I realize the mistakes I have made, but now that I want to learn, my father does not teach me. 

Bring them back to the country you lived in. Let them meet their family and immerse themselves in the world they grew up in. Teach them the language you learned, and give them an understanding of why this is important to learn. Make it a positive experience, so they continuously want to learn and grow. Not only does teaching your child a language that you are familiar with help them in their own lives, but it also can expand the relationship between you and your child, connecting you in more ways than you already are.

Suggestion 2

Communicate with your children about their ethnicity from both sides. Let them meet and be around both sides of their family, not one versus the other. Let them love both sides and their mixed identity.  As I mentioned beforehand, let them be around and meet both sides of their families. There are children who know little to nothing about one or both of their ethnic backgrounds, like myself. Some families choose to prioritize one, (for whatever reason), and if you have personally disconnected yourself from your ethnicity, please still teach your child about it, and introduce them to people who can teach them if you may not yourself. I realize that some do it for their safety from family, or from backlash from other people, and to adapt to their surroundings. But while you might want nothing to do with it, your child may want to learn. If you choose not to teach your child because there are beliefs or practices that aren’t good or cause harm to others or you, teach them the good parts, parts that they should be proud of. Ethnic culture is a part of your and your child's identity. If you do not want to be disconnected, do not disconnect your child. Let them decide that on their own. 

While they may know or be more familiar with one over the other, balance it out. They are mixed, so let them know both. 

While I have been able to experience my ethnic heritage, it was when I was a child, so I do not remember the majority of it. And even though I may have experienced part of it, it does not mean that I am educated on my ethnicity. I do not know much if any at all about my father’s ethnicity. I am around my mother's side of the family significantly more than my father's. While that is partly because my father's side of the family is in a different country, it is also because while we have the ability to skype, we do not. I have not seen or talked to the majority of my extended family from my dad's side since I was approximately 8 years old. I am almost 16. I know cultural foods, but can not make all of them, not because I do not have the ability to, but because they have not been shared with me. I know no traditions. But from my mom's side, I know of her family lineage, traditions, food, etc. I see family at least every few months (which is only such an extended time because of the pandemic). 

Do not deprive your children of a crucial part of their identity. If you can not teach them, introduce them to others who can. Pass down traditions of all kinds, beliefs, food, language, experiences, etc. Educate them consistently about both of their ethnicities, as they make up crucial parts of their identity. If by chance part of their extended family is too far away, or other problems interfere with their ability to interact with each other, do your best to make those connections, keep them, and rebuild them if needed. Combine both ethnicities in your day-to-day lives, around the household. Mix cultural foods and traditions, and if unable to mix the two, make it such that there isn’t one being prioritized over the other. 

Suggestion 3

Introduce diversity in their life, through community, books, TV shows, movies, etc.  Make your child realize that there is not only one valued standard in the world - white. Much of the world portrays constant images of whiteness in beauty, ability, achievements, etc. It exists in every crease and corner, even if you do not see it. Do not let their world be overshadowed by this unjust power structure, and do not make or let them be whitewashed. I live in America and have lived here all of my life, so I do not know if this applies to other areas of the world, but I do know that it exists very strongly in America. Do not let their world be dominated by the white narrative. I wonder if some parents do not realize the effect of living in a diverse community. The majority of America's history focuses on white people, specifically white males. In the present society, although it is changing, the social hierarchy still starts out with white males at the top. It has become natural over the years to see a white person as an influential figure, and again, while it is changing, it is a slow process. I feel as though many people do not know how to bring up diversity in many things, and I don't have a way I would either. But, you do not have to be perfect. Start somewhere, then go from there. 

While I grew up in a diverse community and went to a diverse school, I still see white dominance in my everyday life. It was the dominant people who I saw on the street and on the TV, despite there being people with different skin tones. The family members that I saw in person were white. I unconsciously started to associate white with value, which is an unacceptable mindset. It can leave children -  especially young children, as they are vulnerable and easily influenced by the world - to believe that if their skin tone is not white, then they are inferior. There were times in my childhood when I wished my skin tone was lighter. While I don't view people with different skin tones as bad or good, there was a lingering thought in my mind that white seemed to be the best. 

Do not let your child grow up surrounded by one dominant thing in their life. Whether it is skin tone, people, language, stories, etc. Bring the diversity of all kinds into their lives. Having them grow up with stories and movies with characters of all skin tones. Introduce difference as normality. Don't tell them that being different is a good thing. Yes, it is good, but tell them that everyone is different and everyone is good. Otherwise, it will seem like they are different from the rest of the world, which is “normal”. Show them beauty and strength in their ethnicity, and steer them away from negative stereotypes. Teach them that differences are everywhere in the world, not just in themselves, and show them the diversity in the world we live in. 

Suggestion 4

Do not try to hide racism. It will do them no good to ignore it or try to hide it from something that they will inevitably come across multiple times in their life, no matter how old or young they are, where they live, who they are with, etc. When teaching your child that being different is normal, also teach them that some people don't like differences. A large number of parents don't want to talk about race with kids because they fear inflicting racist views. But this could lead to internalizing views on race from the people around them, where they could gain a mindset about race you don’t agree with. A parent's race influences whether they talk about racism. From a survey, 22% of black parents discuss racism with their children compared to 6% of white parents. Parents attempt to raise their child in a “colorblind” home, meaning you treat people equally without regard to race, culture, ethnicity, etc. This essentially suggests that racism does not exist as long as you ignore it, or are “blind” to it. It shelters your child away from reality, where racism does exist, and where the effects of someone's skin color exist in everyday life. If you don't talk about race because you feel unqualified or that you do not know as much, I understand, that was how I was, and in some cases still am.

Race was never a topic brought up many times in my house. It was there, but I never sat down and explained about race, what racism is, why people are racist, what to do if someone is being racist towards you, etc. It was something where I just kept living and picked up information along the way. I had a person once talk to me, telling me that “I talked like a white person”. When does race play a role in how you talk? I do not speak like a white person, I speak fluent English, that is it. There is a strong stereotype that black people speak “broken English”, and speaking standard English is associated with being white. This also applies to “acting white”. Stereotypes of intelligence, as white students are in honors classes, and black students are in the grade-level classes. This is stupid and it needs to stop. 

Talk to your children about their race, what race is, why people experience racism, what racism is, etc. If you keep them in the dark, you are only delaying what they will eventually have to know and experience, and you are also hindering them from being able to understand when it happens, how they should react, etc. Don't let your child view race as a taboo topic, and don’t underestimate them, leading them to believe in the many stereotypes about race in today's society. Teach them of the stereotypes society has made about different races. Have your child know that racism exists in everyday life, and they will have to deal with it too. Explain that while racism existed, and many people don't like differences, differences are normal. If you fear that talking about race will make your children have a racial bias, they have already seen race. Children see race and skin tones and letting them try to understand race and racism on their own, will do nothing to help.