I woke up upside down. My collarbone hurts really bad but I need to figure out what happened to get me here. I couldn’t think my ears were ringing and my head was aching. I finally gather my thoughts and realize I'm in a car and I look around and see there is a driver and a passenger. Then it hits me as the sirens are rolling in, I left the party with Sienna and Caiden. I don’t remember what happened to get us here but I know Caiden had been drinking. I just didn't see him get into the driver's side. I tried to move but pain shot up my arm, “OWWWWW!!” I look for a way out but there isn't one. I look at Sienna and she is unconscious and Caiden’s head is bleeding and I really start to panic. I hear the sirens getting closer and I feel a little bit of hope. I try to make noise so maybe someone will know we are in here, Sienna makes a noise and I feel so much better knowing she is at least alive. I feel someone pull me through the window and I am taken away from the scene, it looks way worse than what it felt like the whole driver's side is crushed and I see what we ran into, the bridge leading to my town. I was almost home, safe, and in bed. I heard one of the officers say as I was getting into the ambulance that two survived and one died… Caiden. This is all my fault.

“ Sienna, I really don’t want to go to this party, '' I said as I was packing my backpack. “ But Kate we need to, this is the best party of the year and you haven't gone to any parties this year it's the last week of senior year.`` Sienna said. “ I will think about it okay?” I said with as much hope in my voice as possible so she wouldn't keep pestering me “Okay thank you kate” Sienna said. I walk out the doors to my little grey 2005 Honda Civic. It's my first car and it doesn't look the best or even work the best but it gets me from point A to point B. I head home and the whole way home I have been trying to decide if I should go or not. As I walked into my front door I decided I would go. It is the last party after all and I need to experience one party at least before I have to leave for college. I texted Sienna and told her I would go and she was so excited and said she would pick me up at 8:00. The time came and went and Sienna and her boyfriend were at my house ready to go to the party. I walk out of my house and into his car, if I would have known Caiden was coming with I would have said no. He is not a very good person and seems to always get a little too drunk when it comes to partying. On our way there I was hoping tonight I would have fun and not stress too much about what's going on around me. It was about a 15 minute drive to get to the party. Once we arrived I realized whose house this is… its Tony’s house. I have had issues with Tony in the past trying to get with me and me obviously making it clear I want nothing to do with him. 

“Sienna, why did you not tell me it was at Tony’s house, you know how I feel about him.” “Kate you can’t let the past dictate your future, just loosen up and have fun tonight!” I say nothing because it's not worth the fight. I'm already here and I can’t go home. We walk up to the house and so many people are already there. We add 3 people in the 100 already here. As we walk into the house I already feel the air thicken, it smells like sweat and vodka. I don't think I am going to be able to stay here, it's just too much for me to handle. Sienna pushes me in as if she could read my mind. “SIENNA! Don’t do that, there are too many people here and I could have hurt someone!” I said with anger in my voice “ Kate you NEED to relax, this is supposed to be fun for all of us and when you have an attitude like that it's just going to ruin it.” Sienna said with sadness in her voice. “I’m sorry I will try and stay positive” I tried to say with a convincing voice. I walked further into this extremely sweaty place and spotted Tony. I try to walk the other way but he calls me over. 

“sh*t” I said under my breath. “ Hey Kate I was expecting to see you in this sort of setting” Tony says while moving his hands in the direction of the whole house. “Oh yeah I would not have come if Sienna didn’t want me to, I'm only here because I want to make sure she is okay tonight” I said in a bland way. “ Kate… I just wanted to let you know I'm glad you came and I was actually really hoping you would come.” Tony said in his stupid little insecure way “ yeah I’m here…” I said trailing off and trying to find a way to get out of this situation. “ I'll catch you later Tony, I have to go to the bathroom.” I said in the nicest way possible. “ Oh um okay sounds good Kate, I’ll catch you later!” Tony said in a hurt way.  I walked off and tried to find the bathroom because I actually kind of had to go. I finally found it and locked myself in, I heard a knock on the door and I thought it was Sienna so I opened it. It was Tony and he shoved his way in and I was so confused on what he thought he was doing! “ TONY! What are you doing?!?!” I said with so much anger in my voice. “ I just wanted to talk…. I'm sorry” he said in a weird way. This better not be happening to me right now. He grabbed my hand and it tried to pull away but he just held on tighter. “ Tony please stop, I don’t want this,” I said softly “Just relax, everything will be okay” he said with a huge smirk on his face. I can’t do this right now. I feel sick to my stomach as he pulls me right up against the wall. He started to touch me and I said no multiple times, why is he not listening to me? I tried to scream but he covered my mouth. It all happened so fast he came and went and now I'm lying on the bathroom floor naked and crying. I hate everybody, I shouldn't have come to this party. He said if I  told anybody he would turn it on me and make sure I take the blame for his actions. I just want to go home and cry in my bed, why me? I get my  clothes on and run out of the bathroom. I don't care if people look at me crazy. All I keep thinking in my head is how he said it's my fault because if I wasn't wearing what I was wearing he wouldn't have wanted to do it. I WAS WEARING JEANS AND A SHIRT!!! Like how is it my fault?!?!?! Can I just not wear anything? I found Sienna in the crowd after what felt like a million years. “ um Sienna? Can you please bring me home?” I said in a shaky broken voice. “ Kate, are you serious?!?!? You can’t just chill out for a second?” she said. “I'm sorry I just need to leave here, it's just too much to handle.” I said in a quiet voice. How can she not tell I’m not okay? “Fine but I’m never bringing you to anything ever again” Sienna said. I just sat there blank from emotions and walked out the front door, I made it to the car and went into the back seat. I put my seatbelt on and closed my eyes, all of this is way too much for me to handle and I just want to go home. What is taking Sienna and Caiden so long? Eventually they made it to the car, I layed there the whole time waiting for the drive to be done. All I could smell was alcohol and it made me want to throw up. All of a sudden I feel the car lose control and then slam.

Months later my collarbone is still messed up and Caiden is still gone. Sienna has been going to therapy every Wednesday and still nobody knows what happened that night with Tony and I. It is a sore subject and I can’t afford to get blamed for it. I know now to never get into a car with someone who could have been drinking because we lost a life that night and I still will never forgive myself for  wanting to leave so urgently. I could have done more to help but now it's too late and Caiden is gone. I never liked him but that doesn't mean that I wanted him to die. Sienna got a head injury, I broke my collarbone as well as my right arm. I am just so grateful that I am still alive and can live to see my future. Remember to never drink in drive because it can cause danger for you and other people.