Pain. It's something that all of us have endured, right? Some people’s pain hurts more than others, but I was taught that even the sharpest stick can't break my bones. Lost? Well, let me take you back to the end of sixth grade. Life was great. I was planning on spending 99.9% of my summer with my best friend Ashley, and the other 1% asleep. Little did I know that one stupid decision made by someone that wasn’t me could make my entire life turn around, for the better?... 

We were sitting in her living room, Ashley and I, and I thought that she was acting pretty strange. So I tell her to quit beating around the bush and just tell me what was wrong. “I...I’m going to a different school next year,” Ashley told me without making eye contact. “Ha-Ha very funny, now tell me what’s actually wrong.” “Lily I’m serious.” Those three words were like glass shattering. Followed by an eerie silence. “Listen we’ll be okay, we can still see each other all the time. Plus, you still have Jasmin and Ella.” Ashley finally looked at me now, regret quickly swallowing her face. “Yeah… of course, we will be just fine.”

When I go home that day, I went straight up to my room and cried. I mean what was I going to do? I don’t want to have to go through 7th grade without her. Sure I had my two other friends but they weren’t her. My favorite person was actually leaving me next year. I know I can’t be so upset, I mean she's the one who has to go through something new… all alone but I just couldn’t believe she was serious.

I’ll never forget my first day of seventh grade; the pain I felt when she wasn’t there waiting for me with her star-stopping smile and her laugh that honestly lit up the whole room. Sure she promised we’d keep hanging out but will that really work? Will she forget about me for better people? I couldn’t help but wonder while Jasmin was saying how this will be a fresh start and how this year will be great. How could she, I mean, I thought she cared about my feelings? I could tell Ella knew I was upset because she would look at me with guilt-filled eyes. I guess Ash leaving didn’t bother them as much because they weren’t as close.

The next two months would go by like that; I’d get up wishing that Ash would show up saying it was all a joke. But it never happened. I could tell I was distancing myself from everyone, I stopped hanging out after school with Jasmin and Ella. I constantly felt like I was being talked about by them like I wasn’t good enough. That day on the bus ride home I called Ashley crying. I told her I really missed her and what was happening in school. She told me that she missed me too but she’d have to call me later because she was busy. She promised and I guess she never got around to it. 

That’s when I realized I was done. I was done waiting for this magical thing to happen when everything was staying the same. I finally saw myself as everyone else did. Someone who couldn’t stand on her own. I knew I had to change it. I walked into school the next day with my head held high and a genuine smile on my face. 

I ended up patching everything up with Jasmin and Ella. They said the only reason they distanced themselves was because they didn’t want me to be mad at them. I was wrong, they weren't talking about me- or at least that's what they told me. But I forgave them, I couldn't find a reason to stay mad at anything anymore. Everyone around me could tell I was back to my happy self, including my parents who were very worried about how my grades dropped and how mad I constantly was. I still occasionally hung out with Ashely, which was great. I finally had found a way to balance life without feeling like life was against me. She’d always come with me to school events and then after we’d spend the night at her house. She would tell me she was doing good, which made me happier than anything. She would always tell me she wanted to come back and that everything at Smyrna sucked, but always told me it was nothing to worry over. 

Ashley ended up changing back to my school. Apparently, she was miserable at Smyrna and missed every one. When I say I was happy, you should have seen me. I knew that this time around I’d be a lot different. I honestly changed for the better and I was ready to get my life back on track. I knew 8th grade would be hard because Ashley drifted from everyone but me, but I was up for the challenge. I was ready to bring my best friends back together. And that is exactly what I did. Of course, a whole bunch of things went wrong, but that's a story for another time. 

“Done...” I whisper to myself as I finish my writing for my diary. I thought back on the distant memory as I entered high school, hand in hand with my favorite person in the whole wide world. 

The end.