I’m Rose Douglas, I have a twin that never existed. Great way to start off a story, I know, I’m here to tell you my life…

 It all started when a young woman named Maria Bains met a military man named Chance Douglas. They fell in love while Chance was stationed in Texas for quite some time. Maria was a beautiful women, inside and out. Chance was a scruffy, rough around the edges type of man who Maria instantly fell for. They would spend every waking hour with each other, it was never too much time for them to be together. Their love was unconditional, only for Maria to find out she’s pregnant and her husband must be sent away for war. The goodbye was the most heartbreaking thing anyone would have to go through. Maria knew this would happen sooner or later due to her marrying him. His love for his country was enough for him to allow to be sent away one last time before starting his family.

 Days, weeks, months went by with no word from Chance. Maria checked the mail everyday hoping to find a letter from her husband. She would sit around all day, anxiously waiting at the house to hear anything from Chance. Finally, she heard a knock on the door. She rushed over to see if it were her husband arriving back from war early. She opens the door with open arms only to see two, very serious looking men standing there.

“Mrs. Douglas, we have come to give you news on your husband Sargent Douglas” they pause “May we step inside?”

   Maria already knew what they were going to say but let them in otherwise “Have a seat” she offers her shaky hand to the couch for the men to sit on as she places herself in the chair nearest to the couch.

  They all sit and the men start to speak “His death was confirmed at 0600 as of yesterday” Everyone took a deep breath as tears stream down Maria’s face. By this time she was already over halfway through her pregnancy and she realized she would have to raise the baby on her own. She didn’t believe in doctors or medication so she had planned on having the baby at home. She never got a checkup for the baby so little did she know she wouldn’t only be raising one child, she would raise two.

  Early in the morning on September 4th of the year 1885, two babies were born. The two baby girls were named River and Rose. The family was poor with a single mother so there would not be enough of anything for two babies. Maria thought it wouldn’t be fair to the girls to suffer through their childhood. Maria made the decision to only keep one of her baby girls and drop the other off at an orphanage. She made the hard decision that took her many weeks to make. She wrapped the babies in a blanket and made her way to the Orphanage. She couldn’t bear to choose a favorite so she put both down and the first one that started crying was the one she would leave. Hard core, right? So, of course, if you couldn’t already predict, River started crying first. That means, she would take me, knock on the door, and leave. As she did this, the lady who runs the place opened the door and already knew what my mother was going to do. There was no changing my mother’s mind, and the lady knew that, so she picked up my sister, who I was never meant to see again. No words were spoken in that two minutes of their encounter, just looking into each other eyes and nodding at the fact that Maria was trusting her with her new born baby.

  All throughout my childhood, my mother made sure I had everything I needed. Even if she needed something for herself, my mother would get the things I needed before. If you only knew this, you would think my mother never had to sacrifice giving up her month old child, separating her from her twin. I don’t remember much from when I was younger, but I do remember not having a father and being an only child. I went to school, got picked up by my mother and helped her make her clothes. That’s what my mother did for a job. She sewed clothes and sold them to a high end boutique in town. She made her money that way, although, she still chose to wear the clothes that made her look homeless. Wow.. that sounded a lot more rude than it meant to be. Oh well, my mother loved her clothes, it reminded her of when she met my father. When I was in the sixth grade, I had my first “boyfriend” my mother did NOT approve. He was rebellious and I was always told he was the worst influence on me at the time. My mother did not talk to me for a week because I was “dating” him. Honestly, that relationship lasted two weeks and boy was my mother right, that kid got kicked out of school for god knows what. That was the first time my mother was right, and I have listened to everything she says from that day on.

 Even to this day. Now I am 17 years old, still with my mother. She has grown very sick and spends her days sewing from her bed. She hates going to the doctor and they are way too much money for us. I have a side job on the weekends, helping out at the boutique my mom sells her clothes to. I have been saving up to take my mother to the doctors and I am only $50 away. That may not seem like a lot, but in this time and with my job, it is super expensive. One day I went to school just to come home to my mom collapsed on the floor.

“Mom!” I drop my school bag and run to her. I grab her and she just looks into my eyes faintly and gives me a reassuring nod

“I’m okay, I just needed a rest” She smiles at me

“Jesus, you scared me” I take a deep breathe and help her back to her bed. I felt guilty for not being there to help her. I think to myself that I need to get her to a doctor soon before she gets worse. When she’s all settled in bed, I go to the kitchen to get dinner ready. Tonight we are just having chicken soup. I quickly make it and give it to my mom before I leave to go to the shops. We have little money to buy the food and things we need. I take the basket and make my way down there. On the way I see children running with their dog. They run beside me on the other side of the road. I turn back to the direction I’m going, but then hear a loud wale. I quickly snap around the see the little girl fell and is weeping tears.

Quickly rushing over to her I set my basket aside. The little girl cries and I pick up her leg gently to assess the injury.

“Just a scratch darling, don’t worry. Why don’t you head home to your mama to have her fix it up” I smile and rub her back caringly. She nods and looks at me intently.

“You look just like my sister, I coulda sworn it were her” She furrows her brow and reaches out to touch my blonde, silky hair.

“Her hair is even the same, and your eyes and voice are identical to her..” She gets up, gingerly, to not hurt her knee even more. I look at her, perplexed, but don’t say anything.

“I’m Clara, thanks for helping me” She runs off, leaving me confused. She’s young, she must be mistaken. Mama always said my ocean blue eyes were one of a kind. I pick up my basket and continue down the dirt road to town. While walking I fall deep into thought about the encounter I just had. I had never even seen that little girl before.I continue to town and pass mothers trying to control their children from the excitement of going to town. While walking I take note of the shops I need to come to on the way back home.

  I arrive at the bakery and smile at the lovely old lady that owns the shop.

“Evening Rose”  Ms. Roberts speaks to me in a hoarse voice.

“Good evening ma’am, I’m back to pick up the bread we ordered” I give her a sweet smile and hand the basket over the counter. While she gingerly wraps the bread. I count the exact amount of money out and place it on the counter for her to pick up. She hands me the basket back with the fresh bread wrapped in the signature paper with roses on it. Ever since I was young Mama always got our bread here just for the paper, she says it signifies my name.. In reality Ms. Roberts just thinks roses are pretty. I tell Ms. Roberts to have a good night  before heading out the door to go to the market for regular things we need. I grab milk, chicken, butter, and some other things before I head back home.

     A few months later

  I was three hours into my work shift at my second job of the day when I hear the bell on the door rings. I look up to see a cheery, perfect looking couple walking in. Behind them trails a busy little girl playing with a handmade doll. I take a second glance at the little girl before recognizing her, she’s the one that said I looked like her sister a couple months back.

  “Good morning!” I greet them before looking down at the paperwork I’m filling out for the stockroom. I watch the family out of the corner of my eye as they walts around the store, pilling up their basket they are carrying around with them. They grab the most expensive items and then make their way to the counter to pay. They don’t even look at me as they start filling through their money. I hear a slight gasp and look down at the little girl gazing up at me.

 “See mom!! This is the girl!! She looks just like River doesn’t she?!” She squeals up to her parents. They are so occupied with the money and just reply with “mhm”  I just look at the girl and smile and write down their items on paper and take the money from the mother.

 When our hands meet for me to take the money, she finally looks at me and stops. Her eyes go blank but I can tell her mind is running a million miles an hour.

“Oh, I’m very sorry. Here’s the rest of the money” She carelessly scoops the money out of her bag. While counting the money, I catch a glimpse of her nudging her husband. His eyes shoot from me, and back to his wife. He nods to her and usher me to hurry.

 “Have a lovely day” I smile and hand them their bagged items. They nod and rush out of the store and I can hear them bickering on their way out. I get a very weird feeling, but pile work on myself for the rest of the shift so I don’t overthink it. When I’m finally done with my shift, I walk briskly to my moms shop to tell her about the incident today. When I push through the door I see her helping a customer. While I wait for her to be finished with the customer I organize the shelves.

“Rose, do you need something?” My mother asks me as she flips through papers.

“Um yeah actually” I begin to tell her about the family I encountered today. As soon as she realizes what I’m speaking about, her face drops from a smile to an assertive, concerned look.

“That’s bizarre..” she speaks with careful words, like she’s walking on ice. I decide to drop the conversation  because I can tell it’s making my mother uncomfortable. I help her close the store and we walk home together as the sun is going down. The sky is filled with bright orange and red colors. The clouds are puffy and seeming to disappear. When we reach the house, she enters before me and I close the door behind us.

“Let’s start dinner” Mother suggests and begins to take out the ingredients for the salad. “Rose we need more lettuce, would you mind running to the store? We don’t have enough in the garden.”

“Sure” I comply and head out the door. I walk with a fast pace as I enter the town square. I am just about to push the door open when it swings out and almost hits me. I take a quick step back and look up to the person who almost smacked me with the door. When I meet eyes with the person, I am in complete shock. The girl who I’m standing in front of is me, she looks identical to me. Judging the shock on her face, she seems to be just as confused as I am. We literally just stand there, staring at each other. From her blue eyes, to her blonde hair, we are the same.

“Umm, pardon me for hitting you with a door and staring but wow we look similar” She girls speak and I listen to her voice that sounds just like mine.

“Geez, yeah we do. I’m Rose Douglas” I reach out my hand for her to shake.

“I’m River” She says with a smile. “This is really weird” She lets go of my hand and steps out closer to me.

“River let's get going” I hear a familiar voice speak from behind me. I turn and am met with the woman that came into the store earlier. “Oh, oh no” She says with concern and looks at the two of us standing right next to each other.

“Mom, is there something Rose and I should be told?” She questions her mother and looks at me. Her mother is baffled by the encounter and looks extremely worried.

“I’ll tell you at home, this is for me and Rose’s mother should tell you girls about on our own.” She says and grabs her daughter wrist to take her home.

“Meet me here same time tomorrow!” River yells over her shoulder to me as she is being taken back home. I nod and full out run back to my house. I bust through the door to see my mother finishing up the salad. She looks freaked out by my sudden entrance, but that is the least of my concern right now.

“Where’s the lettuce? And why do you look like you’ve seen a ghost?” She questions me and takes a step closer to me to make sure I’m okay. I just look at her and she puts her hand on my arm. “Rose?” she voices out to me.

I say nothing but “So I have a twin”. She drops her hand from my arm and glances back at the kitchen, signaling to me that she doesn’t know how to answer the question.

“That’s crazy Rose. If you did, she would be here with us” She stumbles over her words trying to cover for herself.

“No, stop lying mother. I met her” I emphasis my statement so she knows I’m being serious.

“Enough” She cuts me off “Let me explain” she ushers me to the couch to sit down with her.

She begins to tell me about the story of her and my father, which I have heard a million times. How she was waiting for him to come home, so they could raise their baby together. Except, he never came home and we had an unexpected event happen during delivery. There were two babies, two baby girls. That was me and my sister. She continued to explain how she left River at the orphanage and took me home in tears. I feel tears brimming in my eyes, I can hear in my mother’s voice just how much it pained her to give away River.

“I’m meeting River again tomorrow” I blink away the tears and hold my mother’s hands in mine “You should come and meet her as well” I offer her.

“I would like that” She nods and I pull her into a hug.

As I lay in my bed, I begin to think. The word ‘sister’ never had meant anything to  me. I was always an only child, just me and my mother. And this whole time I could have had someone to share my childhood with, a best friend. I try to push away the rising anger in my body. I was annoyed my mother had done that to me and my sister. When I finally push away the thoughts from my head, I drift asleep.

That night I dreamt a vivid life of how everything would have been different with River. We would share toys, sleep in the same room to comfort each other when we wake from night terrors. Run around in the town with each other, no one being able to tell us apart from each other. The giggles that would escape from our rooms late at night would awake my mother, she would come in and scold us. Finally, when we fall asleep in the dream, I wake up in my own life to the sun shining in my eyes, heating up my room. I push the blankets off my body and throw on my clothes. While walking into the kitchen, I see my mother had made me eggs, meaning she already left for work. I don’t need to go into my job until around noon. While eating the eggs I hum a lullaby my mother had sang to me since I was a child. When I finish my breakfast, I clean the dishes off and head off to work. I arrive at the store and go to the back office to let my manager know I’m ready to start my shift. She’s sitting in her office chair and filling out some paperwork.

“Good morning, I’ll start organizing the shelves!” I exclaim to her as I grab my apron. I’m usually groggy when I walk into work  in the morning, but today I am super happy today because I know after work I’ll be going to meet my twin. I walk out to the floor of the store and start to organize the shelves, pulling everything forward and dusting off some of the items. A few customers flow into the store and I help them out finding items as my manager checks them out. Usually it’s just me in the store, so it’s nice being able to just stay in the isles and get some organizing done.

Hours go by and I have about thirty minutes left in my shift and I’m just powering through my excitement. My manager decides I can leave early since the store is pretty slow today. I rush to the back and toss my apron on the hanger. I hurry home before I have to go meet River in the town. I fix my hair and go into my moms room to take her to meet River.

“Hey Ma!” You ready?” I ask as I push open the door. I see her looking in the mirror, fixing her hair.

“I think so” She announces with a shaky voice. I go to wrap her into an assuring hug.  I pull away from the embrace and hold her hands with a big smile.

On our walk into town, neither of us speak a single word. If it were a normal day I would think she was mad at me, but I know it’s just the nerves getting to us. We get into town and go to the shop to wait for River. We get there before her so we decide to go look around the shop. There is some freshly baked muffins so we decide to splurge for once and get a muffin for River. I look outside the shop while we are paying and see River walk up. I tap on my mom and motion my head for her to look outside. She looks and immediately pulls her mouth into a smile. We grab the muffin and walk quickly outside.

“Hi!!” I say and wrap her into a hug. She hugs me back but then sees my mom. She pulls back and looks at her.

“Hi darling” My mom says shyly

“This is our mom?” River asks and looks to me. I nod with a smile and she practically leaps into our moms arms. They hug for a solid couple of minutes before my mom pulls away and hands River the muffin. River takes it gingerly and smiles at my mom.

“Thank you, both. It’s so great to finally meet you both. I’ve always felt like there was something out there that I didn’t know about.” She says and chokes on her words “I’ve always dreamed of having a sister I’m super close to.”

“Me too!” I tell her “How fun would it be to literally have a built in best friend” my mom coughs and turns away to try to not let River know she is sick. My mother has done her best to push down her sickness because we are severely low on money. River catches the couch and looks at me with a concerned look.

“I know.” I say and shake my head so she doesn’t push mom on it. We spend the day with just us three girls. We talk and catch up on everything we missed out on. I already love having a sister and it’s just the beginning.

Over the next few months we do our best to hang out everyday and help each other with anything needed. Our mom is getting sicker and sicker by the day and we can’t do anything about it. She absolutely refuses to see a doctor about it.

“If it is my time to go, let it be” she says everyday while I’m helping her get dressed while trying to convince her to get help. Her body has become frail and small. She barely eats anymore and can’t even get out of bed. She was doing better for a while but recently had a decline in her health. River is so concerned about mom and comes by everyday to see her.

 One morning I wake up to the sound of a loud scream. I jump out of bed and run to the living room. River is backing out of our mom’s room with tears pouring out of her eyes. I immediately know what caused this reaction and I drop to the floor as tears fall from my eyes. She’s is all I’ve ever had. I never had a father, or a sister, of even any friends. It’s always been me and my mother against the world.

The doctor rushes in and goes into her my moms room. I am sitting on the couch with River, not saying anything. I sniffle and wipe the tears from my eyes. I already know what he is going to say when he comes out of the room.

 Years have passed and it has been River and I. We live together and work very hard to keep our house. I miss my mom so much, but I know she’s with my dad and happy. My life has been a roller coaster of emotions and I know it’s not over yet.