Before I came out, I was currently in a relationship with one of my best friends, Toby. He and I had known each other since the start of middle school when he stood up to my ex when he was acting like a jerk to me. We had just broken up the night before because I had already had enough with his terrible behavior towards me. He abused me emotionally, leaving angry messages on my phone, threatening me if I didn’t call him back. So, I told him over the phone that I was done with his behavior and wanted to end it. He obviously didn’t take the news very well because the next day, he started harassing me once more. Toby saw this and jumped in to stop the rude behavior, and that was how we first met.

              We spent almost all our time together hanging out. He and I would go to the mall, have sleepovers, watch movies. Over those years and months, we spent together, I began developing complex feelings for him. It wasn’t until near the end of our last year in middle school until I asked him out. It turns out that he had the exact feelings for me as well, so of course we started dating. Toby back then wasn’t called Toby. He had a different name as well as different pronouns. He used to be female in middle school, but that all changed when we were Sophomores in high school, causing me to change his pronouns and getting used to calling him Toby. But our middle school years were one of my favorite moments together, especially the dance at the end of our graduation.

              The dance was incredible! It was held in my high school’s cafeteria. There was a DJ, music, balloons, and bright lights. Toby and I danced and had such an amazing time, but the energy in the room made me feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed at one point. I had to leave a bit early so I could calm down and relax in some quiet. At least Toby understood. He’s always known about how sensitive my ears can be.

              My dad picked me up, and that was when I decided to tell him. He already knew about me and Toby, but I never told him about my sexuality because back then I was questioning about how I felt inside. When my dad pulled his blue Santa Fe up to the curb near the cafeteria, I got in and buckled.

“I want to tell you something,” I said. “Okay, what is it?” asked my dad. I didn’t even hesitate when I said it because I felt confident that he would understand. I have very considerate parents who don’t judge me on anything that I say, so I knew I could trust him to accept me. “I think I’m bisexual,” I said with confidence. Saying this made me feel happy, and to make everything better, he had the best response. “Okay,” he replied.

              For a few years, I was out as bisexual. Toby and I maintained our relationship until freshman year when he confronted me about kissing one of my best friends while he was away in Pennsylvania that summer. It was devastating for him to find out, and I wanted to go back in time to prevent it happening, but it did, thus ending our relationship. I felt terrible about what I did. This was the first time I had ever done something like that to betray one of my friends.

              For a while it was difficult to be around him because of our close relationship we had together the years before. Knowing that he was hurt also hurt me. It felt like a knife had stabbed me in the back after I did the same thing. We both had feelings that needed to be considered. I guess Toby had a harder time because everyone blamed him instead of me. Some of my friends confronted me as well, but I didn’t want them to hate me. I was already going through family issues because my parents had recently decided to separate, causing a huge landslide to fall down and destroy everything.

              The day my parents chose to separate was the worst day of my life. I remember exactly everything that occurred. My parents sat me and my brother down on the couch. I could tell there was tension. At first, I thought they were going to tell me that my grandmother had died, but what came out of my dad’s mouth was even worse.

“Do you want me to explain or do you want to do it?” my mother asked. My dad responded and said that he would tell us. So, he took a deep breath and explained to us what was going to happen. “You guys know that your mom and I haven’t been agreeing with each other recently. So, we have decided, um, that we’re going to separate.” My heart shattered. I started falling down into this dark abyss in which I couldn’t get out of. I was like Alice from Alice in Wonderland falling down this rabbit hole into a dimension where everything was strange and chaotic. I began to lose it.

“You can’t!” I cried. “You can’t divorce! You bitch!” Yes, I know it was wrong for me to call them that, but I didn’t know what else to do! I ended up throwing a pillow at my dad and stormed off to my bedroom to vent. Everything was going downhill quickly. I began to fall into depression all the time. Life seemed worthless.

With my parents’ divorce and the struggles to keep a relationship with more than one of my friends, life was a pain. One, my parents couldn’t be in the same room together without tension. Two, friends were blaming Toby for our breakup when we should have talked it out, but I was such a coward to talk to him about what happened that I ended it then and there. Three, the girl I cheated with was our friend Amber who I had known since middle school, and I was drawn between her and Toby but couldn’t decide who to be with.

              If there’s one thing I’ve learned, relationships don’t go the way you expect them to go. There are many conflicts that can occur, and I was just getting a little taste of a real relationship. Real relationships are hard, due to the fact that you don’t always know if the person loves you or not. Or maybe they do but you don’t. Maybe your feelings are so complicated that you have an on and off relationship while you try to figure out what the hell is going on, why your mind is acting like a jerk and giving you false information.

              Sophomore year came next, and this year was a bit better than my freshman year, the year that I wanted to kill myself. Depression was a pain, but at least I was on better medication to help me out. This year was going to be the year that everything changed. It was the opening of a new door, just like Temple Grandin mentions in her memoir Thinking in Pictures.

              I had a nice relationship between me and a guy who really liked me. The only problem was, I felt like this awkward abnormal being whenever I was around him. My body would seize up every time he held my hand or kissed me. It was so uncomfortable! You know the feeling that you get when people stare at you? That’s how it felt for me all the time.

              It took me until the end of Sophomore Year to realize what those feelings meant. I was lesbian. I wasn’t bisexual at all. When I had this realization, everything made a lot of sense. I didn’t hate men; I still have a lot of good friendships with many guys. A lot of my close friends are guys, Toby for one. The thought of dating them just made me awkward. I tried to be straight, but it turns out that it’s impossible for that to happen.

              Junior Year arrived, and I embraced my new sexuality to its fullest. I met a really nice kid in October when I went to GeekGirlCon last year in 2018 and recently I’ve confessed my feelings for them. Now we’re together in a great relationship that involves a lot of talk of horror, memes, your typical teenage stuff. They and I are very close and care a lot for each other. We even have our own theme song, Electric Love by BORNS.

              My life has improved so much since Freshman year with being out as lesbian. I have a wonderful partner who’s always there for me, my parents are super supportive and understanding, all my friends appreciate me for who I am, and I’ve joined an awesome support group with other kids like me. If I had to describe my life in a few words, I’d choose gay, exciting, thrilling, and perfect.

              My movie isn’t yet complete, but it has had a lot of good scenes that I wouldn’t change at all. I may have had a minor difficulty filming with the rainbow, but with the right skills I was able to figure a way to fix that by accepting into my life. I still struggle with some things such as name calling and trying to find a way to have others accept me, but overall, those haven’t affected me too much. It’s okay to be gay because it’s normal. I’m just very happy to have supporting friends and family who accept me for who I am.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me throughout everything I’ve had in my life. I would like to thank my friends for being there for me in my darkest times and always having my back whenever I was down. You helped me feel better about myself and who I am as a person. You encouraged me to get back up again.

I want to thank Miss Temple Grandin for her stories, for inspiring me to continue doing what I’m doing, even though I’m different. Your work has helped me out and it has helped me work on the tough times in my life. Your speeches are incredible.

I also want to thank my counselor for the help that they have given me within this past year. You’ve encouraged me to improve on my struggles and life. You’ve helped me through tough times, pushing me to talk about things that make me uncomfortable, even if I don’t want to.

Next, I’d like to say a big thank you to all my friends at my support group for letting me share my experiences with my sexuality. You’ve been a huge help these past months with everything including home life and social life. You definitely have made a difference in me.

I want to thank my loving family for everything. Thank you, Mom and Dad, for the love and support you’ve given me throughout my life. I know I can be a pain sometimes, but I thank you for enduring it, even though sometimes I feel like you wanted to tie me to a chair and duct tape my mouth so I can stop talking. But I know that you will still continue helping me, and that’s why I love you.

Finally, I want to give a big thank you to my loving partner for being the sweetest person I’ve ever met. You’ve definitely been there for me whenever I’m sad or just need a shoulder to cry on. I love how we talk about Undertale and horror movies and corny pick-up lines. You’ve always been a big help. I love you, my adorable Hufflepuff!

Luna was born in Virginia but moved to Washington at the age of four. She has always had an affection for writing stories. When she was younger, she wrote an entire series based off of Daisy Meadows’ Rainbow Magic series. Luna now attends Cascade High School and is finishing up her junior year. If you want to learn more about her, you can follow her on Wattpad and subscribe to her YouTube channel. Her Wattpad account is CronaRagnarock and her YouTube channel is LunaTheTherian.