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Letter To My Angel
Author's note:
It’s about me and her and how about I overcame losing her, how it changed me and the way I thought about life.
Letter To My Angel
I still remember your soft, warm hands. I remember the wine-colored nail polish you used to wear. I always used to say it matched your personally in a way- “Mysterious.” I remember going from living with you and seeing your face every day to visiting you in a nursing home, seeing your face every week. I try to find the Honey Graham crackers we always used to eat together while watching some show you liked. Now I wish I paid attention to it because I don’t even remember the name. I remember your laugh from 5 years ago but can’t remember what my math teacher taught me in class 5 days ago. I have vivid images when it comes to you.
I try to seek the love you gave me, but can’t find it. I try to find it in everyone else, not completely understanding nobody can give the love you gave. I remember the dream you had the night before you left me; it was 15 days before your birthday. You had a dream about having a birthday party in a graveyard, not knowing that was your way of saying you had enough. I remember seeing the pain in your eyes but never asking “are you okay,” because I was always happy seeing you. I’m sorry I never asked. I’m sorry I couldn’t take away your pain then.
You went from warm to cold in a matter of days. I remember the last time seeing you, lying peacefully with a wine-colored lipstick on to match your wine-colored nails, but this time you were cold. You were silent and still. I didn’t just walk down the aisle and touch you and walk away. I touched you long and silently with tears flowing. While touching you, I thought how the years would be without you. I touched you thinking you’d touch me back.
Years later and I’m wondering if you’re proud. Wondering if you’re happy. I’ll forever be seeking the love you gave knowing I won’t ever find it.
This is a letter to you, my angel, letting you know that I still remember you, your laugh, the feel of your body, and of course your love. Without you, I wouldn’t be as strong and rare as I am today.
Love you Grandma,
Sincerely, your granddaughter, Destini
Letter To Marcus
Now, take in all that went down: the good, the absolute bad, and the unusually ugly. Accept and take in everything that broke you, everything that changed your mindset on things or just on life in general. I wish I can sit here and tell you I’m your typical sixteen year old girl... but I’m not. I don’t have a diary I write in everyday, I don’t have a wall full of my celebrity crush in my room, and I don’t go to slumber parties every weekend to talk about who’s dating who. In fact I’m the opposite.
I’m so different from others that sometimes I feel the need to change. I was always the “ popular kid” but never was like anyone I ever hung out with. I was a goofball in the halls but a nerd in the classroom. I used to hide from my friends that I was such a nerd and actually enjoyed school, but I stopped; I took in who I was and who would actually like me for me. I think differently than others, so differently that I try to deliberate everyday a way to be better. I try to seek how real I am in others just to never find it, sometimes it’s discouraging. However, I wouldn’t be this way if it wasn’t for a special guy. Marcus A.K.A papa, one very intelligent individual. He showed me I was different, I was real, I was one of a kind. Showed me things I never seen in myself that I should’ve seen years ago. His death didn’t open my eyes, he opened my eyes before his death.
You never got tired of looking at him because he brightens the room. You never had to worry if he was smarter than you because you knew he was. He was funny without ever being mean & loud without trying to be quiet. He looked at me amazed every time he seen me, I was a queen in his eyes when I felt like just a princess. My life is more than a Snapchat post or a Instagram post, my life is about determination. My life is more than a party or who got who boyfriend, my life is about fulfilling my dreams. Marcus is living through me now and I was living through him before, my life is about making him happy, about making him proud. So yes I’m not your normal teenage girl in fact, I’m better. I stress others about their loyalty when it doesn’t match mine and I stress myself when I’m giving too much loyalty to people because it can’t match mine. So...to conclude this, this is a goodbye for now papa. Thank you for pushing me to be the young intelligent women I am today.
Sincerely,
Your Granddaughter
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