Summary:

That was when it really hit me, it was happening again. Walking to class, I enjoyed the feel of the crisp air around me. The smells of late autumn and the colors of the leaves decorating the earth were calming for me. A woman walked toward building I was headed for, coming from the other direction. I recognized her but couldn’t place from where. I smiled and, since I reached the door first, held open door for her, but when I looked up expecting her to be right there, I stared out into empty space. I was alone.

I struggled at first to understand what had happened, wondering if I had perhaps simply missed her and she had walked away somewhere outside of my sight. But I knew I had seen her right there, there was no where she could have disappeared to. I began to wonder if those times I’d seen her in the past were hallucinations too. I began to wonder what else wasn’t real. I took a deep breath, held it for a minute in an attempt to calm myself, and then headed inside, not wanting to be late to my class.

I’ve noticed a pattern over the years. Every six months or so, just as it is turning summer and just as it is turning winter, something happens with my mental state. Sometimes depression, sometimes hypomania, usually something psychotic too. This time it began with moodiness.

The true story about my battle with sanity and my fight to avoid psychosis.